Poise, as Wooden writes, is just being yourself. It’s when you are not trying to be something, or someone you are not. It’s self-awareness, confidence and being true to yourself. I googled poise to see how it was different than what Wooden writes, and the definition that came back was “A state of grace, calm, and self-assuredness, particularly when faced with challenges or stress.” It sounds a lot like authenticity. Whether its correct or not, they are related, authenticity is more internal and poise is more how you project yourself. Or maybe it’s the other way around, regardless, I don’t believe you can have one without being the other.
When I think of the best leaders that I have worked with, the one quality they share was authenticity…poise. No matter the situation or who they were talking too, they were being true to who they were. They didn’t hide behind corporate jargon to make themselves sound knowledgeable or professional. They also didn’t overplay the “manage” role to garner respect. They just came off as real people. And if the situation called for it, they were willing to show vulnerability which built trust.
There’s so many moments in Ted Lasso where authenticity is on full display. One of my favorite moments was early in Season 3 when Ted is asked to respond in a press conference to Nate’s public criticism of his coaching “being so shitty”.
All eyes were on him, Rebecca was fuming and wanted him to “fight” back. You can sense Ted struggling with how to best respond, does he swing back, or does he take a more authentic approach.
Well of course he chooses the latter. He starts with “he came and got us” and jokes that it was a good one, even applauding “Nate the Great’s” ability to exploit weaknesses and then he wishes him the best of luck!
The press is a bit confused, Rebecca’s face doesn’t hide a thing, and then he turns it around, “I’m a little surprised that’s the best he could come up with, especially me” and makes fun of himself, lightens the tension in the room and he gets the press involved. At this point Rebecca softens, appreciates that Ted is Ted and enjoys the moment. We see Nate watching on his laptop and slams it shut, obviously a little mad he didn’t get the response he wanted…likely something else going on as he has become the antithesis of Poise.
In a moment when it would have been understandable to swing back and defend himself, or even fight back, Ted stays grounded, he remains true to himself. He shows true poise because he is best when he is his authentic self.
This is why authenticity matters.
When a leader is authentic, they show who they really are and what you can expect from them. That consistency builds trust, and trust is needed when things get hard for the team.
There will always be moments when a leader needs to respond to a challenge, to a change that’s occurring and with that uncertainty. Authenticity and Poise go hand in hand to get through these moments.
It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and react, but this is when it’s most important to stay grounded in who you are…to be your authentic self. In moments like this, it kind of sets the tone for how to move forward. Such as the example above, it would have been very easy to fight back, I’m sure Ted has 1000 zingers too, but he chose to be himself. In this moment it showed Rebecca, the press pool and numerous tweets (or whatever they are called now) that he has class and is not easily riled up. And to his team, he shows calm.
Authenticity is best all the time, but especially when things get tense. Being authentic, projecting that poise is the true north of who you are. In the end, that’s what we want from our Leaders. We work for managers, but we choose to follow those that we believe in. And when that someone leads with authenticity first, well that choice just becomes a whole lot easier.
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